Slow and Steady

Well, slow, yes, steady not so much.

My house is a maze of not-quite-finished projects that were interrupted by various surgeries over the years.  They all bother me, but chief among the unfinished projects is the kitchen, which was done years ago except for the backsplash and cabinet filler strips.  The backsplash is something I could do myself, mostly, but the cabinets were not quite square.

So, I pushed my husband into rehanging them correctly.  Not just because they drive me crazy, but also because I know that he is always happier when he is working on something.  Unfortunately, this project is going very, very slowly.  He has taken down 3 and rehung 2 over the space of about a week.

I am trying hard to walk the line between patience and pushing him to do something I know will make him happier.   Part of the problem is that I know he does have real pain, but I also know that he has a tendency to use his pain to avoid doing things that are hard.  It would be easy for me to assume that all his complaints are malingering, and it would be possible that I would be right.  However, it would also be very likely that I would be wrong.

These delays are more than just annoying, though, the cabinets being down have made it difficult to cook, difficult to wash dishes, difficult to feed the dogs even, depending on where the cabinets are.  That means we are eating out, which isn't great for health or wallets.  I'm also really concerned with the damage that could be done while they are out.  We have three dogs that can be rambunctious and knock things over.  There is also water in the kitchen, splashed while doing dishes, splashed from the dogs bowl, or just spilled.

Someday, the cabinets will be rehung, and then I can get to work on that backsplash!

Changes for the Better

I just found out that there is a book with the same title as my blog, and I feel a little upset by this.  The book was published in 2013, after my first posts here, so I feel rather proprietary about my name, although I certainly can't claim enough of a readership to say it was stolen.

It may seem from my post yesterday that amputation was a bad choice for my husband.  The truth is, nothing could be further from the truth in many ways.  Before the amputation, his pain was so bad that he was living on pain pills, not just for his mangled leg, but also for his back which was broken when he was in the service.  He still experiences quite a bit of pain on a daily basis, but he has been able to successfully decrease the medication by at least 50%.  That's huge.

The reduced pain has had huge impacts on our lives.  He no longer has tantrums over everything that doesn't go his way.  He was often quick to blow his fuse before, and doesn't as often now.  In many ways, it's a huge relief to have him feeling so much better.

At the same time, it seems that some of his depression is tied to his lowered pain.  That sounds very odd, but the truth is, for many years he has carved out a niche for himself of being a heroic man in pain, and suddenly, the pain is less heroic.  My drama king doesn't know what to do with himself now that his starring role has changed.  These days when he complains of pain, I may well blow him off, because I know that his complaints are often more psychological than physical.

It may sound selfish, but knowing that makes things easier on me.  I don't have to rush in and try to sooth him when he complains.  I don't have the constant worry of his pain hanging over my head while I am trying to work.  I don't have to worry that he will overdose himself in an effort to relieve pain.  When he complains, it is a luxury for me to not worry.

The amputation wasn't the answer it was meant to be in many ways, but it has in the end improved our lives.